We make our own luck
Last week I had an old school friend who I hadn’t seen for the past year over for dinner. This was one of the friends I had had a house share with when I moved back to the UK and started working full time. We havn’t really seen each-other since I moved in with my girlfriend and bought a house together at the start of this year. While it was good to see him again and catch up about how it was going at his job etc.. he said something which puzzled me and I think echos alot of the current life is unfair notions going round the country:
“Wow, You’re so lucky”
This surprised me at first, because I genuinely wasn’t sure what he was referring to specifically. When I think about luck and the things I am lucky to have; my initial thoughts are of being born in a democratic modern country, being free of genetic disorders and living in a generation of relative stability and safety within this country. However, my friend has all of these things to be thankful of his luck for as well, and yet he said you’re so lucky.. not we’re so lucky.
I questioned his point and my friend reiterated that he considered me extremely lucky to have such a great job, live in a nice house and not have to worry about money or debt. What really took me back was that I don’t consider any of those to have been particularly influenced by luck. I’ve spoke previously about the recent culture of people moaning about their situations without actually doing anything about it.. and this just seemed to be a variation of that. In truth; I believe all of those things he considered me lucky to possess have been achieved through hard work and careful planning.
Luck didn’t hand me a huge inheritance or high paying job. It didn’t provide a parental gifted house deposit or debt-clearing lump sum. All of those were things I had to work and save towards over many years. Before purchasing our lovely house; my partner and I lived in a tiny 1-bedroomed flat out in the middle of nowhere. Our evenings consisted of staying at home while everyone else was down the pub. Our holidays were budget and frequently consisted of staying with family. Similarly I’ve had to work very hard to progress my career to the position it’s in now. I could have settled for a comfortable ride, however have taken the challenges and risks to improve my prospects. All of these things have contributed to what I have today, not some magical stroke of financial luck.
My friend and I have lead very similar lives so far; We both went to university, both work decent 9-5 jobs, both have a stable family and social life. However financially we are extremely different. Going back to when we first shared a house, he was always the one struggling to make the rent payments each month. Too many times I had to stump up his share of the money because he didn’t have it in time.. once saying “Well they’ll just have to wait for it”. It’s the rent payment.. it can’t wait. Funnily enough though, he always seemed to have spare cash for the pub and possessed more computer games then 1 man could ever play through. Facebook is full of exotic holiday shots and discussing which pub/restaurant/cinema outing they’re all going to this week. And yet despite this obvious cash flow drain, my friend still considers it luck that I’ve managed to accumulate what I have so far.
I’ve no doubt that some people genuinely do have a hard time financially for reasons beyond their control. Redundancy can hit even the most stable of households and the effects devastating. However too many people, particularly the 20-somethings in this country, are seeking to blame their financial problems and others’ financial successes on luck or privilege. It’s easier to moan about your situation or about the unfairness of life than it is to actually do something about it.
It’s this difference of blaming others and believing it’s all down to external factors such as luck which separates us.
What have you been lucky for? And what have you had to work towards which others have brushed off as being luck? Please let us know in the comments.
16 thoughts on “We make our own luck”
We took a month long trip recently and one of my husband’s friends said, “I wish I could do that.” Well — we did it. He has a fairly similar background to us. Why couldn’t he?
I know for most people it’s just whimsical wishing and they don’t mean anything by it. But if you really want it, why do you think you can’t get it?
Hi Jenna,
Exactly right. If you want something there’s no reason why you can’t work towards it like others have had to.
Some folks go through their entire lives without truly understanding the concept of choice.
Yes I personally have had plenty of ‘luck’, great parents, a loving home, a war free nation, and opportunities that have come along. The biggest piece of ‘luck’ was that somewhere along the line the lesson that ‘making a choice and running with the consequences of that choice was what could make the real difference in life. Keep up your journey and enjoy the choices you make.
Hello EarlyRetireDGuy ;)
I often wonder if some people like to blame things on luck so that they don’t have to accept that they’ve made bad choices in the past?
Hi,
Really enjoying your blog. What I read somewhere once was that we tend to compare our starts to someone’s middle or ending. Meaning, your friend only sees the end results of being frugal and all the things you have achieved, meanwhile he was not around for the quiet nights at home and the simple holidays. To him it all came easily to you and maybe that is why he thinks you are lucky and probably why he won’t ever believe he is capable of the same.
Hello Strandedrocks;
I recall reading a similar point but with reference to comparing ourselves to our parents. Ie: Most university leavers expect they can go straight into a nice 3-bed semi because that’s what they’ve grown up in with their parents. What they didnt see was the decade of living in a flat their parents had to endure either before they were born or too young to remember. Its a very similar situation to my friend, as you pointed out, he didnt see the work that went into the achievement.. just the achievement itself.
Hi Guy,
Another person who has worked hard would recognise what you’ve done as not being just about luck – just goes to show that your friend never even acknowledged the hard work you were doing when you were sharing a house all those years ago.
I get people telling me that I’m lucky that I get to travel abroad on holiday every year but how do they think I pay for my trips? It’s not luck, I have to save money of course and it means I do without other things. It’s harder now that I’m on an FI journey and am trying to save/invest as much as I can, but I’m still going on the holidays, it just means I don’t get to shop as much (if at all!).
Hi weenie, Yeah I agree that those who work hard tend to acknowledge the hard work or others more.
My friend certainly didnt acknowledge the hard work from the house share! I certainly never once got a thank-you for covering his part of the rent payment because he hadn’t budgeted properly ;)
I think that this is going to continue to be a problem in modern society. With all of the technology its easy to see others doing well. Being jealous and calling them lucky is a way to ignore that they had any part in that success, which means if you are not doing well its not your fault either.
Some people will never flip the switch to being accountable for their own actions. Others seem to be mature beyond their years. The rest of us are somewhere in the middle!
Hello Vawt,
Thats a great point about modern technology. Similar to how people get so jealous of seeing others on their Facebook walls going on nice holidays. You only see the nice holiday photos.. not the months of hard work saving to be able to afford such a holiday. It gives you a narrow view into someone’s life which means you miss the whole picture.
Hi Guy,
I can absolutely relate to the point your making here. I believe that “Life is just in the long run”. You make your own luck in this world.
The person I am today, my friends, my job, my financial situation, my physical ability and intelligence are all by-products of how I’ve ‘decided’ to live my life. Like you say, some people are born into wealth, are gifted with athletic ability or a sharp brain, but that is never enough. It’s how you implement what we’ve been given that makes you the person that you are.
Your post eludes to the key difference between you and your friend. You’re prepared to take responsibility for where you are today (for better or worse), and he isn’t. I think it’s human nature to blame external factors on outcomes to protect ourselves as social beings.
Thank you for sharing such an interesting topic, and all the best of luck with your future! ;-)
Huw
Hello Huw.
Thanks for your comments. I don’t wish to bash my friend too much.. he is a great guy and very supportive friend, however finances have always been his downfall and this leads to the jealousy and confusion encountered. It is frustrating to know that he does have a decent job and could be in the exact same position as me if he actually want and took responsibility to. I’m hoping he will have a change of heart + mind sometime soon and stop splashing the cash like we were uni students again.
I just recently posted an article about this subject too. Your mind is very powerful, and the attitude that people have can do incredible things to people’s ability to succeed in life.
The truth of the matter is simple: there is very little luck in this world. Everyone living in the United States (or, quite frankly, any first world nation) carries with them a hell of a lot more control over their lives than they may think – or even want. People’s lives are a direct result of what they put into them.
It may be convenient or easy on the psyche to blame failures on “bad luck”, but there is almost always something that we could have done to change the outcome.
Think about how large pharmaceutical companies test their drugs on the public. One group of people is given the real drug, while the other group is given what essentially amounts to a fake one – why?
Because when people expect a certain outcome, it usually happens.
Think happy. Be happy. Believe it or not, it works.
I decided never to drink at the age of 12 because I saw a neighbor drunk senseless. I was at a party a few years ago and one of the party goers asked what alcoholic drink I wanted. I told her that I was a teetotaler. Her answer was “You are lucky not to drink.” There is no luck involved. I just told myself not to drink and followed it up by not drinking.
Thanks for the post – I have been reminded that I can ‘create’ my own luck. :) I will go and do the thing that will bring me luck.
Hello ZambianLady,
Thank you for sharing your experiences, that must have been bad at that young age. You’re right.. it wasnt luck but your own determination to better yourself instead. I hope you’re enjoying Austria in the winter :)
Hi Guy, I’ve been reading your old posts from the start as they are very good and inspiring. I could not avoid commenting on this one as it annoys me so much when my friend refers to luck in similar situations. Like you said, we are very lucky to live in a free society, have access to most essentials (energy, clean water, food). I’m so grateful and lucky to be able to live a more comfortable life than other nations in the world. However, when one of my friends tells me that I’m lucky to be self-employed and she has to go to work and so on, I can hardly contain myself from shouting “It’s all in your hands!, why don’t you just do something about it'”. She earns much more than me and spends a lot on a financed car, clothes, etc. She says she can’t afford to risk to just stop working in an office and do something herself. Her partner is not as supportive in this as mine, etc etc etc. Basically, what I’m trying to say is we are all masters of our lives. Stop saying it’s down to luck, just do something about it and feel good about it. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you have tried.