How do you define yourself?
‘Hi, I’m Guy.. I’m a computer engineer from the UK..’
This week I’ve been thinking alot about how we define ourselves and the relationship many have with their occupation. It’s ironic, because the very first line of my About Me page describes my occupation even before my location or age. It sounds weird when you stop to think about it, however to many (and myself included it seems..) our occupations are the go-to choice for describing ourselves to others. When I wrote that at the very beginning of this blog almost 3 months ago, I had no idea that I would shortly be considering a change in occupation and so a change in my default description.
Whenever I meet someone for the first time, one of the most common icebreaker questions asked of me is usually the infamous:
So, What do you do?
“Well, I’m an IT engineer so I fix computers.. etc. etc”
And it’s strange because this is the type of response people actually expect to hear. We’ve all become so conditioned to the acceptance that our occupation is such a huge part of our lives that we will automatically default to describing the occupation when actually asked to describe ourselves. I freely admit that I’m guilty of this, as I’m sure many of you dear readers will be also.
Why do we do this? Unless you happen to do something particularly awesome for your job such as professional beer taster or fortune cookie writer.. chances are the discussion about your employment is likely to be dull for all involved. Instead, I want to start trying to define myself by who I actually am rather than how I earn an income.
‘Hi, I’m Guy… I’m an Online Personal Finance/lifestyle Writer, Parish Councillor and International Backpacker.’
Earlier this week, a colleague of mine came round the department to say goodbye to everyone as he was being made redundant following the recent cost-cutting announcements. This was someone I had worked with on and off for a few years but never really known in a personal sense. He was working his way around the desks, shaking hands and making small talk before moving on to the next. When he came by mine, I shook his hand and inquired about what he was going to do with his time now..
“Oh, I’m not going right into another job but I think I’ll do the same sort of thing for another company” – he replied in what was obviously a well-rehearsed line. Unsurprisingly I had overheard him say this exact same thing to several before me, all of whom had then nodded and returned back to their work. Instead, I reiterated that I was interested in what he was going to do with his time, not his job.
What happened next surprised me, even though I’ve read many stories of F-You money and early retirement dreams. My colleague came and sat down, leaned in close and lowered his voice to almost a whisper. His eyes had lit up as he began telling me all about his dreams of flying away to become a Buddhist monk at some far away temple on a mountain top.
At first I thought he was joking, but as he continued on he went into great depth about how this had already been a dream of his.. never the right time or place or financial situation to make it happen. This redundancy had given him all of these plus the realisation that nothing is permanent and we have to seize every opportunity. He had already arranged everything with the temple, flights were booked, wife was on-board and bags almost packed.
In a few minutes, this colleague had become my new hero and we chatted for a long time about everything from traveling the world to rejecting consumerism and over-consumption. It amazed me how much we had in common and yet had never discussed or even known either were interested in such. I wonder how many others out there have similar dreams or lifestyles and yet hide behind their occupations as the default way of defining themselves.
Why do you think people so frequently define themselves by their jobs? Are there perhaps good reasons for actually doing so, or should we be encouraged to discuss our hobbies and interests more instead?
12 thoughts on “How do you define yourself?”
Oh man, you nailed it!
I HATE when people ask me what I do. “I’m an engineer and I sit at a computer putting lines on a screen for 10 hours a day.” The conversation usually dies down soon after as A) the person, usually not an engineer, is really not interested or B) the person who might actually be interested realizes I really don’t want to talk about my work at all.
Someday I hope to change the answer to “wilderness backpacker who regularly runs off into the woods for months at a time.”
Hi Matt, thanks for commentating,
Why wait? You can be a Wilderness Backpacker from today onwards!
I think we’re afraid of being judged by others, especially when we fall outside of societal norms, like the Buddhist Monk dude. I’m glad he had the chance to tell you about it. You gave him the outlet he was looking for. Nice job! :)
Hello Kay,
It seemed like he was almost dying for someone to ask him about it, but no-one else had. Once he realised I was genuinely interested.. he went into such detail about it, had clearly been on his mind for a long long time.
I don’t like that the first thing people ask you is “what do you do?”.
It is interesting that your co-worker is going to be a Buddhist Monk and he is married. Is he leaving his wife behind? I didn’t know monks could be married. Or maybe this is their splitting.
I guess if you are single, you can do whatever you want. If married or married with children, you have a few more hoops to jump through. Thanks for the interesting post.
My understanding was that it’s a temporary thing, agreed with the temple, whereby he would live with them for a few months and then return to his family. He said his wife understood the importance and was willing to wait, maybe even do some traveling herself. I suspect my partner wouldn’t be too keen on the arrangement but if it’s been a life dream.. perhaps?
People define themselves by their jobs because people get too involved in their jobs and work too long each day. Work life balance is important. When you work way more than enjoy your life, work becomes your life and defines who you are. It’s important to have a life outside of work. :)
Tawcan – Exactly what I was thinking. It’s why I hate long commutes; suddenly even time not in the office is still spent ‘working’.
That’s an incredible story about the buddhist monk – good luck to him!
I find that more people (in particular men) define themselves by the football club they support, rather than the job that they do!
My experience is that the ‘So what do you do?” question is not generally the first question asked unless you were in a social function to do with work.
Or perhaps there’s a North/South difference here?
Good question Weenie! I’ve no idea if it’s a north/south thing. It’s certainly the first question asked after being introduced to a friend of a friend in a majority of cases I’ve experienced, even in non-work related events.
Ha ha, that’s a good point weenie. I think it depends on the crowd you are with. I would say it’s probably 50/50 on footie/work for the first question asked. Sometimes you’ll get a where do you live instead. It’s just default small talk isn’t it, who really would be bold enough to ask a more specific question such as “so are you interested in Buddhism?” (Unless you are Derren Brown perhaps!) But a good compromise of just the “what are you in to?”. Although I find the work gets skipped quite quickly and onto that quickly anyway, either that or the conversation gets boring pretty quickly!
Great that Mr Monk opened up to you Guy, and what a nice story to hear.
Meant “compromise is…”
Also realise I’ve just written quickly in the same sentence 3 times, it’s my first day back at work for two weeks and clearly too early for all this sentence forming malarkey :)